Rock - Me - Hard Place

As you all know, we have been having trouble finding our ideal match for a prenatal care/birth attendant.  

-  I was seen at the birth center soon after finding I was pregnant.  This was a compromise between Hubs and I.  I wanted a homebirth, he felt must comfortable with a hospital birth, we were able to compromise that the birthing center was a great option.  Well, because of my bleeding disorder, they said that I would have to stay 12 hours after birth.  They like people to only be at the birthing center 4 - 6 hours after birth, so they said no go.  They recommended home birth or hospital birth with a midwife.

- We had a homebirth midwife, that was pretty awesome, but when the subchoronic bleed presented itself, she decided that it was best that I go go and see a Maternal Fetal Medicine Doctor and that I risked out of homebirth with her :( 

- We saw the MFM Dr.  and had an ultrasound.  He said that the bleed was not really a concern, that is should heal and we should have a normal pregnancy and delivery.  However, due to my blood clotting disorder, he would never recommend a homebirth for us (what Dr. ever does), but that I would be fine to see the midwifes at our "local" hospital (not the closest to us, but our first choice of hospitals in the grand scheme of things).  He said they should not have any problem caring for me and delivering the baby.

- To the hospital midwives we go.  For one visit :(  They said that because of my bleeding disorder, they would not care for me during pregnancy, that I should see one of the hospitals OBs.  They said that they would deliver the baby though.  So, they want me to see an OB till I am 35 - 36 weeks pregnant, then return to them and they will deliver the baby, at the hospital, when the time comes.

-  Someone then suggested (two people actually) that there is a family practice at UNC that has Dr.s and a midwife that might take me on.  It sounded like it could be the perfect place for us!  The Drs wouldn't take us on!!!

- Finally I found the perfect homebirth midwife.  We LOVE her!!!  She has dealt with my bleeding condition before, she had solutions for preventative care.  Truly perfect.  TRULY PERFECT.  Can't afford it :'(  The fee is $3000.  This is reasonable, but sadly way more than we can afford.  We feel that homebirth is truly the way that we should be going, but we just can't front that kind of cash.  We have to figure out a way to buy a van - $3000.  All of our personal belongings are still in UT - $3000 to get them to us.  I am so upset I could cry.

Missions of Mercy Series Review

Three heroes, all on missions of mercy, who discover that God not only saves us from evil, but from the darkness inside.

Point of No Return: An American boy and a warlord's engaged daughter have disappeared-together-in an Eastern European border country.  Only one man can find them in time to prevent an international meltdown-Chet Stryker.  But Chet is taken aback when he realizes the boy is the nephew of Mae Lund, Chet's former flame.  When Mae insists on rescuing her relative herself, Chet knows he has to protect her from the enemy on their trail. Yet can he protect himself from falling for Mae again?

Mission: Out of Control: Brody "Wick" Wickham is a former Green Beret turned security agent-with a 100 percent mission success rate.  No way is his new assignment changing that. Even if it's protecting a diva American rock star while she's on tour in Europe.  Except Veronica "Vonya" Wagner isn't just a beautiful celebrity used to having her way-she's the daughter of a U.S. Senator.  And she's hiding a dangerous secret.  When Wick discovers what's at stake, how far over the line will he go to keep them both alive?

Undercover Pursuit: The only way to get security agent Luke Dekker to a wedding?  An undercover mission as groomsman.  He'll bust the groom, a drug cartel heir, before anyone can say "I do."  Then Luke can escape all this love and romance nonsense-and the too pretty bridesmaid/agent assigned as his "fiancée" for the weekend.  Until Luke discovers that sweet, vulnerable Scarlett Hanson isn't his contact.  Isn't an agent.  Isn't trained for the high-stakes mission now trapping them both.  And worse, Luke's falling for her-which is not part of the assignment. About the Author:  Susan May Warren is the RITA award-winning author of thirty novels with Tyndale, Barbour, Steeple Hill and Summerside Press.   A four-time Christy award finalist, a two-time RITA Finalist, she’s also a multi-winner of the Inspirational Readers Choice award, and the ACFW Carol Award.   A seasoned women’s events speaker, she’s a popular writing teacher at conferences around the nation and the author of the beginning writer’s workbook: From the Inside-Out: discover, create and publish the novel in you! She is also the founder of www.MyBookTherapy.com, a story-crafting service that helps authors discover their voice. For more about Susan and her other books, please visit www.susanmaywarren.com. My Review:  I really enjoyed this series of books.  My favorite of the three books was Mission: Out of Control.  I have to admit that because I received the first two books at the same time and didn't know if there was an order that I should read them in, I picked the one that sounded most interesting, which was Mission: Out of Control.  It wasn't until I started reading Point of No Return that realized that I should have read it first.  I think that this is part of why I did not enjoy Point of No Return as much as I did Mission: Out of Control, I already knew part of the ending.  Having said that, I still loved all the twist and turns and surprises along the way in all of the books.  I do of course recommend that you read them in order, but they are great even if you do read them out of order!  I had a really hard time putting down the books as I found myself enthralled with each of the stories.  I felt connected to each of the characters and the struggles that they faced.

To celebrate the series, Susan is giving away a Missions of Mercy Prize Pack worth over $200! One grand prize winner will receive:

* A brand new FLIP HD Camera
* The entire Missions of Mercy series

Enter today by clicking one of the icons below. You may enter once per email, facebook, and twitter. The contest ends on May 31st. Tell your friends! Winner will be announced on June 1st at the Litfuse Publicity site and at Susan May Warren's website. (While you're there, check out her rockin' new website!)

10 confessions

As I was reading Things you probably shouldn't know about me over at My Silly Monkeys I thought it would be fun to write a similar post.  So here you have it... 10 confessions of sorts...

1.  I am ADDICTED to Mountain Dew.  I have given up addictions before, but can't get past my caffeine addiction and I find great shame it in (that is the true confession).

2.  I am struggling lately with feeling like I am a good mom.  My energy has been so low these past couple of months with this pregnancy and I having a hard time believing that I am being the best mom that I can be.

3.  Little Boy Blue watches way to much TV... largely impart to my lack of energy and no car.

4.  Like Jess, I wear flip flop years round... even when we lived in UT in the snow.

5.  I feel that the only thing consistent in my life is how inconsistent I am.  In fact, I keep thinking about changing the blog's tag line to "consistently inconsistent".

6.  I don't blog as much as I would like to.  I feel guilty about this as well.

7.  We want a large family, but I am not sure that I am going to be able to handle 3 kids.  I was certain that I would be able to, then we got pregnant, then I lost all my energy... now I am not so sure.

8.  I have always had a VERY hard time with change.  Well, change that I am not in control of.

9.  I have 4 tattoos, I want more.

10.  The thought have having a hospital birth terrifies me... which is odd, since I have already had 2 really good hospital births.  I am slowly coming around to the idea, but it is not my first choice.

The Smurfs & the Got to be NC Festival

As I mentioned the other day on Facebook, I went to the Got to be NC Festival the other day.  We went on Friday and were planning on going on Saturday in hopes of seeing the Smurfs, but things came up so we weren't able to go on Saturday.  I was really looking forward to getting to introduce Little Boy Blue to the Smurfs.  I loved the Smurfs when I was a little one and look forward to getting to share them with my little ones!!!  We had a great time at the festival and got to meet some awesome local companies, such as the Little Sisters Soap Company!  I look forward to getting to go again next year. 

The Smurfs 3D 

Release Date: July 29, 2011
Cast: Neil Patrick Harris, Jayma Mays, Sofia Vergara, Hank Azaria
Voice Cast: Katy Perry, George Lopez, Alan Cumming
SYNOPSIS: The Smurfs make their first 3D trip to the big screen in Columbia Pictures’/Sony Pictures Animation’s hybrid live-action and animated family comedy, The Smurfs. When the evil wizard Gargamel chases the Smurfs out of their village, they’re forced through a portal, out of their world and into ours, landing in the middle of New York’s Central Park. Just three apples high and stuck in the Big Apple, the Smurfs must find a way to get back to their village before Gargamel tracks them down.

Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides Opens TONIGHT at midnight!!!

As many of you already know (from Facebook), I got to go to an advanced screening of Pirate of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides on Tuesday night.  One word for ya, AWESOME!!!  If you have not already made plans for this weekend I HIGHLY suggest that you make plans to go see this movie.  I LOVE it is in 3D!  I truly felt like I was part of the action!!!

ABOUT THE MOVIE: Produced by Jerry Bruckheimer and directed by Rob Marshall, “Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides” captures the fun, excitement and humor that ignited the hit franchise—this time in Disney Digital 3D™. Johnny Depp returns to his iconic role of Captain Jack Sparrow in this action-packed adventure that finds him crossing paths (and swords) with the enigmatic Angelica (Penélope Cruz). When she forces him aboard the “Queen Anne’s Revenge,” the ship of the legendary pirate Blackbeard (Ian McShane), Jack finds himself on an unexpected journey to the fabled Fountain of Youth. Along the way Jack must use all his wiles to deal with the barbarous Blackbeard and his crew of zombies, Angelica, the ravishing pirate with whom he shares a dubious past, and the beautiful, enchanting mermaids whose masterful cunning can lure even the most seasoned sailor to his doom. The international cast includes franchise vets Geoffrey Rush as the indestructible Captain Hector Barbossa and Kevin R. McNally as Captain Jack’s longtime comrade Joshamee Gibbs, plus Sam Claflin as a stalwart missionary and Astrid Bergès-Frisbey as a mysterious mermaid.

Missions of Mercy Prize Pack worth over $200

Susan May Warren is thrilled to
announce the release of her 3 book Missions of Mercy series!

Three heroes, all on missions of mercy, who discover that God not only saves us from evil, but from the darkness inside.

Point of No Return: Can God deliver us from our mistakes? This question is
posed to Chet and Mae as they race to save Mae’s nephew from an evil warlord in the Republic of Georgia. More here.

Mission: Out of Control: Does God turn his back on us when we fail? Brody
and Vonya discover the answer as they conspire to capture an international smuggler and free a child soldier from war. More here.

Undercover Pursuit: What if we deliberately sin and harbor bitterness in our
hearts? Is there a rescue from the dark places inside? Luke and Scarlett find out as they work to protect a bride-turned-informant whose courage could dismantle a human trafficking web. More here.

To celebrate the series, Susan is giving away a Missions of Mercy Prize Pack worth over $200! One grand prize winner will receive:

* A brand new FLIP HD Camera
* The entire Missions of Mercy series

Enter today by clicking one of the icons below. You may enter once per email, facebook, and twitter. The contest ends on May 31st. Tell your friends! Winner will be announced on June 1st at the Litfuse Publicity site and at Susan May Warren's website. (While you're there, check out her rockin' new website!)

Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides Free Kids Activity Pack

The premiere of Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides is only a week away!!!  Disney has been kind enough to share an awesome kids activity pack for kids with us.  Just follow THIS LINK and download the pack for some fun!  It includes face masks, coloring sheets, door hangers, mazes, and more!!!  Get the pack while it last (the link will expire one week from today)!

Visit the official website at: http://www.Disney.com/Pirates.

“Like” PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN on Facebook at: http://www.Facebook.com/PiratesoftheCaribbean

PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: ON STRANGER TIDES sails into theaters everywhere in Disney Digital 3D™ and IMAX 3D on May 20th!

May 11

I don't know about all of you, but there are moments in my life that I can look back at and think, "wow, what a pivotal point in my life".  Today, I am remembering one of those days.

Today, May 11 is my uncle Tan's birthday.  He would have been 34 today.  Of course, today is not the day that I remember, as I was not born yet, that was another 6 years away (yes, my uncle was only 6 years older than me), but I am reminded of him today.  

Tan was young when he died, 17, a month shy of 18.  I was younger, 11, just shy of 12.  I can remember the day he died as clear as yesterday (perhaps clearer).  His death was completely and utterly unexpected, as death often is.  I remember waking up and going into my parents room and that my mom was not home.  I asked my dad where she was, my memory says that he said that she had a meeting, but I don't know exactly.  I just remember thinking that it was really odd that Mom was gone already that morning (my mom worked full time, but it was unusual for her to be gone so early).  We got ready and off to school.  I was in the 6th grade, my sister in Kindergarten.

It was later in the day that I knew something was very wrong.  My dad came to school to pick me up, midday.  I remember my sister skipping down the hall of my middle school.  I asked Dad why he was picking me up and where were we going.  He told me that we were going to see Mimi (my grandmother).  I remember thinking that my something must be wrong with my grandfather.  On the way from school to my grandparents my dad pulled the car over.  I looked at him and for the first time that I can remember in my life, I saw my Dad crying.  That was the point that he told us that Tan had died.  Tan had died in a car accident early that morning, he was the passenger in the car and the driver was drunk.

As I have looked back on my life, I realize that the day Tan died has had a HUGE impact on my life.  I had experienced a death in the family before, but Tan was my buddy.  I looked up to Tan, he was only 6 years older than me.  I didn't understand a lot.  I was angry.  I was sad.  I was 12.  I know that Tan's death was a major trigger for my depression, which of course shaped my life for a very long time.  Tan's death was not only hard because it was the death of someone important to me, but because my parent's were grieving too, we rarely ever talked about it.  Actually, I really don't remember talking about Tan's death until I was much older.

Anyway.  Today I remember not only Tan's death, but more importantly his life.  Tan will forever live on in our memories and in our hearts.  I love you and miss you dearly Tan!